A story of Chaos
by catwiththeclaws
Summary: Homophobes please stay away! Palletshipping. Gary finds himself reopening up some old wounds as he once again faces Ash. M for swearing. I do not own pokemon.
1. Chapter 1

"Right, so the ponyta is in your care right? Make sure you bring it to me on Tuesday so I can study it. Right. Yes, I'll be at the Oaks research lab as usual. Yep, 2.30's fine, make sure you bring a harness, is all."

Gary threw his phone down and massaged his temples furiously. Blinking blearily, he looked up at the clock hanging on his wall. 3 freaking AM. How has time passed so quickly?! _That stupid clock gotta be lying,_ he thought, glaring so furiously at its face that his bloodshot eyes turned into a deeper red. They now had the appearance of almond-shaped prunes.

Sighing heavily, he headed to the bathroom. The mirror, as usual, showed his fatigued and tired face. As he idly applied shaving cream to the sides of his face, he wondered how many hours his sleep debt has accumulated. Judging by the size of his eye-bags it's probably close to a million.

Gary, top researcher of the Kantou region, (and probably half the world, he asserted), was not a happy 21 year old, and would probably die a long and painful death in the lab, alone and uncared for, at the age of 30. At least, that was what he predicted. He felt amused by his morbid thoughts more than anything. He ate irregularly, slept irregularly, and had given up any semblance of a normal social life. He didn't know if anyone cared, to be honest. His research work kept him busy, putting him through long days and even longer nights, as some observations and studies had to be made at night. He hardly sees gramps anymore. After retiring, gramps had gone on a vacation that lasted three years, and came back spouting strange poetry about strange lands and stranger women. _Now he's somewhere abroad in Unova, probably playing with pokemon and making up strange poetry,_ Gary scoffed. _At least gramps seemed happy the last time I'd seem him. He'd definitely live longer than me, anyways. That old geezer._

Still, he supposed, he missed him, as he was the only father figure he'd ever known.

Gary's parents had died from a fatal car accident. He often thought of them with a wondering sense of pity. Pity for them, not for himself. Gary wasn't the sort of person who felt self pity. Well, he did, at times. Rarely. But then, he rarely thought of himself, so it wasn't his fault.

He finished shaving his face and washed it clean, then headed downstairs for the fridge. The last time he ate was in the morning.

He was too used to it to feel hungry anymore. Burying his thoughts, focus and needs into his research, Gary rarely felt anything but a mild sense of emptiness. It was strange. Escaping into his work was his way of dealing things. But hmm, escaping from what, exactly? At this point in his life, at this hour of the night, Gary couldn't remember.

There was a note on the fridge. "Hi Gary, I'm not sure when you'd read this but Delia came earlier this morning to say that her son is visiting three days from now! He was just in Unova, visiting his friend Cilan the gym leader apparently. Since you've met him I really do hope you still remember him, Gary. Anyways, Delia wanted to know if it wasn't too much trouble if her son stayed with you instead? She's refurnishing her house and there's only one spare bedroom to go around with." It was signed "your poor and tortured assistant, Tracey, 23rd of February."

Gary only felt stymied. Who's Delia?

Only when he gulped down a mouthful of milk then the full realization of the situation hit him. Delia was the mom of Ash fucking Ketchum.

He choked and coughed, spraying white milk all over the floor.

"TRACEY WHERE ARE YOU GOD DAMMIT, I ALMOST DIED!" He roared to an empty house. Tracey had already gone home.

Gary swiped the floor furiously, thinking fast. Today's 26th, so it means... Ketchum is coming TODAY?! If he flew on charizard from yesterday night, he'd be here around evening...

Damn. He's not ready. Gary's not ready. Why the hell did Traces not tell him personally?! _Oh right_, he thought darkly. He'd told Tracey to "stop disturbing the hell outta" him and to stick a note on the fridge if had something to tell him so Gary wouldn't have to see his "oily face". Curse him.

Ash fucking Ketchum was his childhood playmate. The only friend he felt he could rely on and trust. The person who'd shaped the jaded and difficult personality he has now.

When you'd really let someone in, loved them and cared for them more than you did for yourself, it makes it easy for them to hurt you. Real easy. Gary's arrogant and smartass mouth was just a defense for his softhearted insides. The insides that were trampled by a certain black headed brown-eyed pokemon trainer.

Hell, his self destructive workaholic behavior had something to do with him. Everything had something to do with him.

When they'd both been very young, Gary had realized something. He had a crush on Ash fucking Ketchum, his one and only friend. And one day, on the way to get some lollipops from the town's pokemart, they'd spied a same-sex couple hiding behind a tree, kissing. Gary had wanted to laugh, the scene was just too corny. But Ash had hissed and said they were disgusting, said that his mother had told him that if you kissed a boy, you'd die painfully from a terrible disease. It was all Gary could do not to stare in shock at him.

From then on Gary completely changed. To push Ash away from him he became cold, ruthless and arrogant to his former best friend. It was all he could do, trying to protect himself was the only logical solution to it. That was when all the painful name-calling and taunting had started. Gary had hated it at first, the hurt and bewildered look on his friend's face. But after a while he got used to it. Got used to hurting the one person he cared for.

However, it wasn't just that one thoughtless homophobic comment that screwed things up. If it was just that, Gary would've let it go as he grew older and understood. No, it was because Ash had grown so much closer to his new friends. And he had tons of them; those friends that he relied upon and who he'd travelled with through thick and thin.

Gary began to feel forgotten. When his birthday would pass without anyone remembering, when he'd only see Ash once every few years. Yet there was never another close friend like Ash. Gary didn't let anyone in easily. And so alone he'd remained.

He tried to swallow the hurt of being forgotten by someone who matters, like how everyone does. He poured his soul and energy into his research work, and it showed. He is now the youngest researcher to get a phD at the age of 19. Days and nights he'd worked, trying to forget the fact that he's gay, trying to cope with the fact that he'd never mean much to anyone. Accepting the fact that he's replaceable.

Now he has to play host to Ash Ketchum.

The sky was dark and starless outside, with purple thunderstorms gathering on the horizon. Inside the Gary Oak's kitchen, another storm was brewing. He crushed the empty milk cartoon in a fist, and grinned darkly, bloodshot eyes spelling impending doom for a certain black haired individual.


	2. Chapter 2

Fuck, Gary had enough to deal with as it is.

There was a stinking pile of laundry begging for his attention in the basket by the toilet, a large stack of dirty dishes in the sink, and he still had to clear an old guestroom for stinky Ash.

Needless to say there were still 5 reports that was overdue and he had to send over to another professor in the Hoenn region.

Goddammit all. Gary ran a hand through his hair in exasperation. If only he could bully Tracey to get him clean up this mess...

But he needed Tracey to draw some sketches on the rare Larvitar they had found. That particular Larvitar had a differently shaped head spike from the usual ones. He suspected that some industry dumping their wastes into a river had caused this particular mutation.

It's okay. Even though everything was overwhelming, he could get through this. He's Gary Oak, for pity's sake.

In half an hour he'd made the old bedroom inhabitable. It was directly above his bedroom, and was once occupied by an old maid in the Oak family. They'd all been sacked though, when Gary's parents had died. His family simply shrunk and did not need them any more. Gary had learnt to become independent from a young age, able to cook a variety of dishes and did his own laundry.

As he surveyed the old room he felt a sense of foreboding. The wood-paneled floors glinting gently in the sunshine, freshly washed and cleaned did cheer him up, though.

* * *

The doorbell rang.

Gary slipped into the hall, a nasty taste in his mouth. He wasn't sure what to expect. The cheery, tactless Ash from his childhood, or a complete stranger? It was funny. Throughout his life he had worried about people forgetting him. But he's the one who forgot them, instead.

Hand slippery on the knob, he took a deep breath, turned it and pulled.

He opened it to Delia and a tall, good-looking boy with a rather defined, rough-shaven face. The boy had a shock of ink-black hair, wide chocolate brown eyes, and a quizzical expression on his face.

A complete stranger it is, then.

Delia was smiling apologetically.

"Hi," Gary tried to smile. "Do come in. Delia, would you like a cup of tea?"

"Oh, no. I wouldn't want to trouble you anymore, oh Gary. Thanks so much for being able to have Ash over."

Gary was about to say it was no trouble at all, but the words wouldn't come out. The fact was that this was the most tiresome and unhappy thing he had to deal with for a very long time.

So he shut his mouth firmly, nodded, and when the tall stranger went in after him, closed the door firmly on Delia's slightly pinkish and worried face.

Alright.

"So, Ashy-boy, long time no see, eh?" Hands in the pockets. Standard cool mask on. Slight cocky smile pulled his lips.

The stranger was staring at him.

He was starting to feel uncomfortable already. Alright, he wanna stare, stare on.

Gary critically examined the stranger.

Toned, tight body, yet slender. Large hands, heavily muscled and coarsely calloused. The face was familiar yet unfamiliar. There were similarities he could see if he looked really carefully at the stranger and compared his memories of Ash's face. The face had lost its roundness, gaining a more refined and rough look. The cheekbones were razor-sharp. And the molten brown eyes were intense.

Woah. Gary had to swallow saliva and look away.

And then he saw it. The red half of the pokeball, hanging from a simple black string around his neck.

"You're wearing that thing?" The shock was apparent in his tone of voice.

"U-um yeah, ever since I became a master." The voice was totally unfamiliar. It wasn't that brash, bright voice of the 10 year-old Ash that frequently haunted his mind. It was deep, coarse and rough like his face.

And right, he'd forgot. Ash had finally achieved the dream that he'd set for himself 11 years ago, the dream that Gary had given up himself. It wasn't that he couldn't achieve it. Gary had given it up because he'd realised he didn't want it enough. When he'd seen Ash at the Silver Conference that year, he'd understood from a single golden moonlight moment. He'd often wondered at Ash's bright unsatiable passion for battles. Gary himself just wasn't that into it.

"You're a big-shot now, huh?" He felt a wry smile tug his lips.

"You're not so bad yourself." The brown eyes gave him an appraising look. "From what I heard, Professor Gary Oak, you're the leading researcher on Pokemon Evolution and Pokemon gene mutation, and has won five acclaimed awards. And also, as I see for myself, you're a hottie."

"Excuse me?"

"You're hot."

_What?_ "That's so random..."

"Not at all. Gary the hot researcher, Gary the top 10 sexiest men in Kanto alive... I've seen it in the tabloids. Fangirl stuff." He explained when he saw Gary's eyebrow rise.

"Lots of free time, I see."

"Yeah." The black-haired man grinned widely, and Gary finally felt some warmth for the man at that familiar smile.

"Come on, I'll show you up to your room."

He gave the broken pokeball necklace another confused glance. _What the hell?_ Is Ash really that sentimental?


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's note: I do not own Pokemon or the characters. Do listen to Keira Knightley or Adam Levine's version of ****_Lost Stars_**** while reading this. **

**It's beautiful, and it'll definitely give you a feel of the atmosphere of this chapter**

Gary hesitated at the open door of Ash's bedroom. Well, it was Ash's bedroom, temporarily.

There was music drifting out from it.

_/Please, don't see just a boy caught up in dreams and fantasies_

_Please, see me, reaching out for someone I can't see/_

He was sitting on the windowsill, face turned away, overlooking the fields beyond.

Slowly, Gary walked towards him and sat down on a chair quietly. There was a pensive mood in the air and everything was caught in it. Something's strange. He didn't know what to do.

The sunlight glinted off his jet-black hair, turning it slightly blue. Gary could only see the side of his face. The light made his skin soft, falling on his graceful cheekbones and highlighting the contours of his mouth. It was slightly pulled downwards, and the thick fringe of eyelashes threw a shadow across his eyes.

_/And God, tell us the reason_

_Youth is wasted on the young_

_Are we all _

_Lost stars_

_Trying to light up the dark?/_

He didn't want to break this spell. There was something precious about this moment. It was that feeling of something otherworldly, a glimpse into a beautiful soul. And in that moment, he felt like he _understood. _There was a longing, a feeling of deep-felt regrets.

_/Take my hand, let's see where we wake up tomorrow_

_Best laid plans sometimes are just a one-night stand_

_I'll be damned;_

_Cupid's demanding back his arrow_

_So let's get drunk on our tears/_

He wanted to weep. He wanted to dance. Here was something that belonged to him.

Deep chocolate eyes shifted away from the window. Eyebrows lifted in surprise.

Gary stared. But there must be something in his expression, because Ash didn't snap at him.

He let the music play on.

And then - it didn't take long - "Gary, I'm so god-damned_ lonely._"

It was a impulsive confession; it was torn away from him and completely unintended. But Ash was like that. What he felt he always expressed. And his statement was full of naked vulnerability.

"What do you want me to do about it? Give you a _hug_?" Some of the old snideness had slipped into his voice. He couldn't help it; it was natural for him.

The brown eyes looked away. He seemed like a boy all of a sudden.

Gary didn't know why he was saying it, but he opened his mouth and shaped his words softly. "Sometimes... I feel the same way. Sometimes when work can't bring me away and make me forget, I get this feeling."

Brown eyes fixate on him. Ash started to speak, in fits and starts.

"I thought being a master would give me all I wanted. But then when the excitement died down I felt so empty. I had nothing to work for. You know? I can't - I just can't live feeling this way. I need something _more._ I want it. Maybe love, I don't know. Something's gotta be there."

The gaze on Gary intensified. There was a shadow in them that wasn't there in the 10 year-old Ash. Somehow, life had made them strange. The brown eyes, once open and welcoming, had morphed. Life had taught them lessons of pain and trust. And he'd learn how to hide. The once simple boy had become something deeper.

"And t-then, when I thought of searching for that something _else_ - I thought of _you_."

"What?" Gary croaked.

"Yeah well... maybe you've never realised it, but you've always been a central focus in my life. I went to Sinnoh _because of you_. I cheered up _because of you_. I worked hard _because of you_." There was a short bark of laughter. "Well, not exactly, but our rivalry was always the spark that drove me to work harder. And when it all ended - I thought of you. From my childhood up till now - you've always been on my mind, some point or other. It started with you, and somehow it all comes back to you, no matter how many roads I take. They all lead back to you."

_He's not making sense._ "So... when you say you're searching for something... what is... it?"

"You."

"So Gary equals love?"

"Gary equals love." He echoed the statement, chuckling darkly. Suddenly he stood up, his silhouette dark against the sun pouring from the window, and moved towards Gary. He was tall. Maybe taller than Gary. Somehow, somewhere, the little boy Gary had always taunted, the little boy that had always seemed further behind him in terms of abilities and attributes - had surpassed him.

Ash held his shoulders in a vice-like grip, against the chair.

Gary feels his masculinity is threatened. "What the _hell_ are you doing?"

He didn't answer, but drew closer to him. Gary, seeing what he's about to do, turned his face away pointedly such that his cheek was facing Ash.

And staring angrily at a spot on the floor, eyes flaming with anger and hurt from all those years ago he said, "Do you remember what you said to me before? All those years ago? You said _gays were disgusting_. And look at what the hell you're doing now."

"My mother's homophobic." Ash said quietly.

"_So?_ Do you know what you did to me? Even until _now_ I can't face the fact that I'm-"

"You're?"

"Fucking GAY!"

Where his hands touched, he burned. And other places, too.

"Yeah I suspected as much. Thinking back, you did lots of strange things when we were children."

"You _scarred_ me."

"I'm sorry." One hand loosened, letting his arm escape. It sank into his hair though, making Gary's heart freeze.

"So what's the fucking deal with you?!" He managed to yell out.

"I'm gay...? Like isn't that obvious. I'd think you would manage to figure it out, since you've always claimed to be so damn smart."

"Well, just because we're both gay it doesn't mean you can push me around like I'm your fucking bitch. And it sure as hell doesn't mean I like you."

"You sure about that?" A corner of Ash's mouth twitched up.

_Fuck him_, Gary thought. All those years of hurt and pain, and now this.

He lost his mind.

Moving as fast as his Umbreon doing a critical hit, he struggled out of Ash's grip and pinned him on the floor, both of his hands grabbing Ash's wrists and pushing them above the black-haired man's head.

And he straddled him.

Ash was positively enjoying it, though.

Gary was glancing at him with narrowed eyes. Then he lowered his head until his lips were a hair breadth's away from Ash's. His heart was palpitating. The world slowed down, as every fibre of his entire being focused on the man before him. Ash Ketchum. _Him._

_/Who are we?_

_Just a speck of dust within the galaxy/_

The molten brown eyes were staring at him, pools of honey and cinnamon reflecting back his own two green eyes. His breath was on his face. It smelt like strawberries and milk and coffee. For a while, both of them did nothing. It was a moment of eternity, holding possibilities of so many things. He drank in the masculinity of his features, the strength of his jawline, the sharpness of his cheekbones. His face was freckled slightly up close, and he could see transparent traceries of veins under the slightly tanned skin. Ash's lips were quivering slightly, and he could tell he was afraid, even though there were no other signs.

Then he gave in. He let his lips sink and melt into his. At first he couldn't do anything else - he was lost in the sensation and feeling of something he'd fantasize about for so long. His nose was brushing his cheek. He could feel the thumping of a drum beneath him. He could feel his own heart. And everything was absolutely quiet yet overwhelmingly loud.

_/I thought I'd saw you out there crying_

_I'd thought I'd heard you call my name/_

He moved his lips gently, kissing him. It was like silk over silk. And he could feel him responding, the muscles in his lips kissing him back. _So soft_, so soft.

_/Don't you dare let our best memories bring you sorrow_

_Yesterday I saw a lion kiss a deer_

_Turn the page, maybe we'll find a brand new ending_

_Where we're dancing in our tears/_

He jerked involuntarily, lost in the pleasure in the moment and the pain of the past. And suddenly, all self-control was gone. Lips hungry, hands feverish and desperate - he wanted to tear their clothes off.

_/Are we all _

_Lost stars_

_Trying to light up the dark?/_


End file.
